Why You Should Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Need You

As published on Thought Catalog on May 15, 2015.


As someone who has been perpetually single, it’s easy for me to say that I know who I am. As someone who has gone on a lot of bad dates, it’s easy for me to know what I want. In both cases, my independence is very high on the list.

In most ways, I’ve been like this since I was young, always wanting to do my own thing and go my own way. But when it came to relationships, I’ve easily become a victim of getting swallowed into another person and losing any and every sense of myself along the way. I’ve learned the hard way that when you’re dating someone, your independence shouldn’t come at a price. You shouldn’t have to compromise who you are for the person that you’re with.

Finding someone who is there for you without smothering you is not that easy to come by. You should never be with someone who you think you need. It’s a much more satisfying feeling to know that the person you’re dating is spending their time with you because that’s what they truly want, not what they need.

Here are 15 signs you’re lucky enough to date a girl who doesn’t need you:

She won’t text you back right away. She’s not ignoring you, trying to play games or make you question where she is or what she’s doing. She’s just busy. Busy working, busy dreaming, just busy. What you can count on is that she will text or call you back when she can give you the full, undivided attention that you deserve.

She’ll celebrate the small things. She knows what hard work is and understands that it should always be rewarded. Whether you got a promotion, finally presented that project you’ve been working weeks on, or just got an encouraging email from your boss – she will be the first one to grab your hand and head to happy hour.

She has her own friends and she wants you to have yours. This doesn’t mean that there’s no room for intersection. But, she won’t be the one intruding on guy’s night out or nagging you about every last detail of what happened. When she tells you to do you, she actually means it.

She’ll tell you what she wants. And she’ll mean it. Whether its dinner plans, long term goals or in the bedroom, she knows what she wants and she has a plan of how to get it. She won’t mind sharing her ideas and desires with you – all you have to do is listen.

She won’t keep you guessing. She won’t make you guess what she’s thinking or how she feels. She wears her heart on her sleeve and isn’t afraid to show you her true colors. Take her as she comes and she will let you in.

She’ll respect your privacy. She isn’t one to snoop or pry. She will protect the secrets that you’ve chosen to share with her and knows that not everything that’s yours is hers. She has a strong admiration for the topics you choose to keep personal and will wait patiently for the moments that you open up to her.

She won’t overanalyze your conversations. Not because she doesn’t take what you say seriously but because she means exactly what she says and hopes that you do the same. There is no need to pour over the subtext of a conversation for hours when she can be upfront with you about everything.

She’ll be supportive. She believes in you and will tell you every chance she gets. While she’s off pursuing her day dreams, she will be encouraging you to do the same. She’ll be your biggest fan.

She can pay for herself. She works hard for her money and knows the value of a dollar. She can pay her own bills and then some. But that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t appreciate and probably deserve a night out… on you.

She’ll expect more from you. She expects a lot from herself and, in turn, the same from you. She wants you to do your best, reach your goals and be happy. She won’t let you give up.

She is comfortable with who she is. She speaks her mind, does what she wants and sticks to her opinions. She is with you because you encourage her to be who she is instead of trying to stifle her independence and originality.

She’ll trust you. She trusts her intuition and she’s already made a commitment to you. She doesn’t have to worry about the time you spend apart because the time that you are together is all that matters.

She can do it herself. She will put that Ikea desk together all by herself thankyouverymuch. It may take a six-pack, six hours and sixty extra screws by the time it’s finished but she’s. got. this.

She’ll compromise. She won’t be petty or indecisive but she will work together with you in order to make you happy without sacrificing everything she stands for. Don’t take her for granted and you won’t ever be left feeling unsatisfied with the outcome of any argument or decision.

She likes to be alone. She knows that you need your space because she does, too. She’s used to being on her own and doesn’t mind running errands and doing things by herself. When you do get to spend time with her, she’ll be attentive and present and will cherish every moment that you share together.

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2 thoughts on “Why You Should Date a Girl Who Doesn’t Need You

  1. I don’t think you know this, but people can’t read minds and therefore know if they need you or not before starting a relationship, which is what you want for some reason

  2. Great post. Enjoyed it, as it was like reading 15 things opposite of the last girl I dated. This sounds a lot better and healthier. Good stuff.

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