A Lesson in Man Hunting

The great Lauren Conrad once said, “When you are looking to meet someone, you are looking to settle. Because you are not looking for someone, you are looking for anyone.” All Hail, LC.

Last Wednesday, my roommate and I decided to go out and look for guys. I’m not sure what originally sparked this urge to mingle – maybe it was when she started looking at hashtags on Instagram like #foreveralone, #someonedateme and, my personal favorite, #whatisaboyfriendeven or maybe it was when we realized that we had absolutely nothing better to do. Regardless, we put on real clothes and hit the town for a couple drinks with the sole intention of finding guys. What we were going to do with them once we found them – we had no idea but, we were on a mission.

Our first stop was less than stellar. We quickly realized that the bars we tend to migrate towards on a Saturday night at 10pm look a whole lot different on a Wednesday afternoon at 4:30. We ordered our drinks and then secluded ourselves in a corner to contemplate setting up a Tinder account.

Our second stop was slightly more rewarding only because a very drunk old guy bought us our drinks. We consider this mild success.

On to the third bar which is usually a mecca for above average looking drunk guys – we struck out again. Not for any other reason except that there was no one else in there except for us, the bartenders, and a nice looking guy who was on his cell phone the entire time we were there.

At this point, we had to meet my cousins for dinner where we divulged our plan and, unfortunately, our defeat. I also had the pleasure of explaining to my aunt what a Baby Back Bitch is. Which, if you don’t know, is basically the same thing as being called a chicken – just a tad more assertive.

I am one hundred percent a BBB. I love talking and learning about people but, when it comes to the act of approaching them – my palms get sweaty and I feel like I’m going to pass out. I am very conscious that this is a ridiculous fear and that I have nothing to be afraid of but, for some reason, I will do pretty much anything to avoid talking to cute boys. I’m working on it.

Luckily, my roommate is a man magnet. No matter where we go or what we are doing, she is easily surrounded by at least two guys at any given time. She is one of those people that gives off that ‘come talk to me!’ vibe.

This is exactly what happened at the fourth bar we went to after making a conscious decision to at least try one more place before heading home with each other. We ordered our drinks and then surveyed our surroundings. I immediately was drawn to a table of three guys, one of which was wearing a Phillies shirt. Hello, common ground! Now, many people would think that this would lead me to approach him and start a conversation about a possible shared city. Wrong. My BBB kicked in and I headed in the exact opposite direction. Looking behind me, naively assuming that my roommate was following me, I was hardly surprised when I saw her sitting down at the exact table I had ran from.

While I was actively hiding behind a pole (I wish this was untrue), I started talking to a guy about what I was hiding from. He seemed to pretend that I wasn’t absolutely insane and convinced me to just walk over there. So, with newfound confidence from a complete stranger, I began to make my way. About halfway there, I was distracted by two other guys sitting at the bar by themselves drinking pink frozen drinks. Something inside of me was compelled to talk to them. My vodka fueled intuition was right and I actually started hitting it off with one of them. Let’s call him Nick (which I’m pretty sure was his real name).

After about 10 minutes, my roommate joined us and about 3 minutes later, so did the three guys she was with. This lead to a more than awkward tango of which direction we were going to take. With very little consideration, we decided to forgo Nick & friend in favor of the meeting the three guys at a different bar after tending to our respective parking meters.

Once arriving at our meeting bar, I insisted that we were making the wrong decision and that we should go back in pursuit of Nick & friend. As soon as we were about to forsake the three musketeers and head back to salvage my previous encounter, Phillies and friends walked in.

They actually ended up being pretty great and we continued our night with them to two more bars which concluded with us all exchanging numbers in hope to hang out again soon.

Ending our night with Burger King (because for some unfathomable reason, Taco Bell was closed) we sat in our living room scarfing down some chicken fries and whoppers while surveying the success of our night. 8 hours and 8 bars later, we came to the conclusion that we should never go on a man hunt on a Wednesday night and went to bed with our dogs.

Fast forward two days later, Friend Number 1 from that group called my roommate for her credit card and ID so that she could rent him a car. Friend Number 2 wanted us to deliver weed to him near the airport because the stores were closed. And Phillies Shirt is exactly that. A nice guy in a Phillies shirt.

Since then, we’ve learned some things..

  • Our third roommate thinks we are a combination of slutty, desperate and crazy.
  • The best guys that you meet aren’t the ones that you are actively seeking out.
  • And always choose Nick. Always.


We’ll always have each other,

– J


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