This is not college anymore. You can’t just point at the guy you want to make out with and then do it. I mean… you can. But people will judge you. Trust me on this one.
It’s been three weekends (yes, that is how I measure time) since I made the sweeping declaration that I was going to start dating. Not that I have been opposed to it. But I haven’t exactly been putting myself out there either. When I go out with my friends and family I more or less stick with them. Unless we lose each other – in that case – I find new friends. Usually I’m not one to wonder off on my own in order to find a guy to engage in an intellectual conversation with at 1am on a Saturday night.
So I have consciously decided to make an effort. But. Like… It’s hard.
And there are so many things that people say to you when you’re single but ready to mingle. Like:
You have to love yourself first before you can love anyone else. Check.
Are you on Tinder? HAHAHHA no. Wait. Should I be?
You deserve the best. I bet you say that to everyone.
Don’t worry, you’ll find ‘The One.’ Is that supposed to be consoling? It’s not.
Regardless – since my ‘daunting dating decision’ I have covered a lot of ground.
– Got hit on by a very cute guy named Mark who went to school in North Philly too (fate?) – but then he moved on to a girl with way too short jean shorts and cowboy boots. What?
– Fell in love with this guy from across the roof top bar. Sigh. The one who got away.
– Had this guy try to fix something on my car, broke it off, tossed it in my passenger side window, and then asked if he could have my number.
– Went home with a guy with purple sheets. And coral pillow cases. My cousin told me I was lucky that his girlfriend wasn’t home.
– Made out with a friend’s friend who I might actually like. Stay tuned.
– Got an email from a writer that I’ve had a baby crush on.
– Met a guy named Justin who bought Coors Lights for me and all my friends.
– Touched Gavin Degraw. So like… the wedding invitations will be printed shortly.
Working in the wedding industry, I am surrounded by married people, love, and have caught myself saying ‘swoon’ more than twice a day. I am suffocated by pretty dresses, stunning rings and unsolicited advice about my dating life. And yet – here I am – writing about it as if I’m an expert.
To me, dating means having to shave my legs more often, having severe anxiety about very pointless things, watching less Netflix, becoming nacho deprived, feigning interest in things I have no interest in and feeling like this after every sentence I say.
But, through this short experience I have come to realize that I do most definitely have a type. And a lot of my friends can even point it out.
Is the guy on a stage? He’s probably my type.
Does he have a man bun? This is destiny.
Did I meet him at the Pour House? 100% success rate, man.
Does he have tattoos in a non-douchey way? Sign me up.
He loves Blink 182? I love him.
Is he someone that my cousins will either get along with or enjoy tormenting? We must be soul mates.
But just as well as my friends know my type – I know theirs:
Do you have a record? Let me introduce you to my friend Kristina.
Do you have a name with one syllable? Hi, my friend Cherry will just LOVE you.
Do you enjoy being hit on in the gym? My friend Brennan will be happy to oblige.
Are you a black athlete that’s totally unavailable? Meet Martha – she is in a long term relationship but she doesn’t care if you don’t.
Do you have a boyfriend? My friend Matt is interested.
Are you a girl? My brother thinks you’re pretty.
It’s funny though… How you go about meeting complete strangers in unnatural situations.
According to my BFF, Google, the top 5 ways for people aged 18-27 to meet people is as follows:
34% – School: I totally missed that boat. You must be out of your mind if you think that I’m going to go back to school in order to meet a man. SOOO not worth it.
15% – Work: Like I said previously. I work in the wedding industry so most of my co-workers are women and more than most of them are married. Cool.
9% – Through friends: This actually seems legit. Except for the fact that I know most of my friend’s friends. Time to broaden my friendship circle I guess. Although, I’m pretty sure that my standards for finding friends are higher than my standards for dating. #nonewfriends
8% – Social Activities with Friends: I really have no idea what this means. Drinking?
4% – At a Bar: Wait… social activities with friends doesn’t involve alcohol?!? Also… FOUR PERCENT!! What the hell. I disagree. I’ve found love at bars more often than not.
Fuck this. I need a drink. Pour House anyone?