Texting 101

If you clicked on this link to learn texting etiquette or what to say to the guy that you like when you have nothing of substance to actually say… you are wasting your time.  Because I have no fucking idea.

I think I got my first cell phone in 9th grade… and I might have had an allowance of like… 50 text messages a month? Oh, the horror.  Anyway – that was totally irrelevant to the topic which I actually wanted to talk about.  We can’t all stay on track all of the time – or even most of the time.  It’s Friday. I need the weekend.

I’m not the most expressive texter.  I like to get to the point.  Unlike this post which seems to never actually get to a point… But, I used to live with 6 girls and I would be asked repeatedly if I was mad or upset because I would get texts from them asking a question or to do something and would reply with a ‘Yes.’ or ‘No.’ or ‘I’m at work.’ or ‘Ok, see you later.’

Not because I was mad or upset or hate them or anything like that – I was just being concise and using proper punctuation. I felt no need to give anyone every detail of my thought process or to explain why or why not I am coming over.  I just am (or am not).

SIDE NOTE: I played a question mark in my 7th grade play titled Grammar: Linguistically Speaking and all my lines were questions.  Talk about annoying.

Now, of course there were those times when I would over analyze a text from a friend or a boy and question anything and everything and how they wanted it to be perceived and how they thought I would perceive it and… you get the point.  Occasionally texting drives me absolutely crazy.  Thankfully there are emoticons which apparently have replaced context clues these days. {insert sarcastic emoticon here}

Getting back on track…  here is an exclusive inside look of how I fail as a texter and how things can easily spiral out of control once you click send…

About two weeks ago – I met this guy who I really hit it off with.  Unfortunately he lives in Seattle. Just my luck.  But this began the second most tumultuous texting relationship of my life.  I haven’t been obsessed with a person since… I don’t know? Too long for me to remember.  And I barely know this guy.  We’ve only hung out twice but there was just something about him that was like ‘oh, I like you.’

The last text that he sent me before he got on his flight was super sweet and awesome and I’d write it on here but you guys would probably just vomit from the cuteness.

Fast forward to the next night when my drunk roommate convinced drunk me to send “I wish you were still here.”

This is an example of one of those texts where – if the person texts back you’re like ‘YES!’ but the longer it takes them to text back you question why society even allows you to have a cell phone.

Three days later and… nothing.  So I seek advice from friends who will tell me what I want to hear and I decide to try to reach out again.

My theory – if you text a question, the person receiving the text can’t ignore you. Right? Right?!?!

I’m lucky enough to have friends that put my insanity in check (ISH).


I’ve never been such a little girl about how to phrase a text message.  I seriously lost my GD mind.

I was giddy and nervous and scared and just… let’s not bring it back.

I sent the text and waited.  And waited.  And waited.  And every possible thought went through my head of why he isn’t texting me back.  He liked me.  He said he liked me. Did he really like me? Do I even like him anymore? I’m hungry.  Am I hungry? He totally liked me. What did I do wrong?

56 minutes later – he texted me back.  And I thought I was going to pass out hahah.

Anyway – we have continued our relationship and it seems to be going pretty well – I mean, sometimes it takes him 4 days for him to get back to me sometimes it takes him 30 seconds but whatever.  We are in love.  I’m sure I’ll give updates on our wedding plans in the near future.  You are all obviously invited.

Now – if you’ve stuck with me this long, you must be having a really slow Friday.  In any case, you’re in for a treat because the next texting conversation is almost unbelievable.  I don’t even believe it and I’m a part of it.

For the sake of your brain capacity on a Friday afternoon – it will consist mostly of screen shots so that you can read it and pretend like you were there.

Background Information: When I first moved to Denver I got a job at a restaurant that was opening a month after I arrived so all of the employees were new and we had training sessions.  I first noticed this guy and thought – yeah, he’s definitely my type.  We didn’t end up working together that often but we would chat.  We never even hung out outside of work before I got fired (In case you missed it:  I got 86’d)

Now, about 6 or 7 months later – apparently he has this new interest in hanging out with me.  And why not? I’d want to hang out with me.  Ok, seriously though… I’m not that cool. But I was interested in hanging out with him.  From the short time I spent with him he seemed cool and fun and like someone I would get along with.

I wish I could just smack myself sometimes.

August 7 / 8

Texting 101 - LOGAN 1

Ok.  Ok. Am I the bad guy here? No.  I’m busy.  And super defensive when people who don’t know me think they do.  Playing games? I pride myself on being straight forward ya fuck.  Maybe if we’ve ever hung out you’d have more of an idea of what I’m like.  How else am I supposed to respond.  Lucky ducky for me, this is not the end.. 5 days later, this beauty popped up on my screen.

August 13


Until this morning  I was just going to let it be and now I might as well live up to being a heartless bitch.  Right? Because that’s totally what I am. {insert an emoticon that looks like a heartless bitch here.  they make those right? if not, they should.}

August 23


Anyone want to place bets as to if he’ll ask me to hang out again?

Text me!

– J


2 thoughts on “Texting 101

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