The Craigslist Roommate

Craigslist may have a bad rap for you know… killers and things.  But for me, it has been a very useful tool in finding things that I need/want.  Mostly people.  And not in the woman seeking man kind of way – in the, I need to find a place to live so that I can unload my entire life from my car, kind of way.

My first Craigslist roommate was my senior year of college.  I was essentially getting kicked out of the house I had lived in for well over a year.  In the middle of the semester.  After living in the basement for 3 months.

I found an ad on Craigslist and moved in with a guy who was coincidentally mutual friends with my friends.  Everything was good until the original guy wanted his room back. This all occurred within a week after my boyfriend broke up with me, I was almost homeless and on the verge of a breakdown.

I had three days to find a new place and move before I left for Prague for 2 weeks.  Back to my Craigslist patrolling – I found another apartment which would upgrade me to living with two guys.  I had basically looked at the place, said it was good, and asked if I could move in within the next couple of hours.  Sensing my desperation; they went to make me a key.

Thank God for friends who help you move with barely any notice. Seriously.

Fast forward to when I impulsively moved to Denver last fall and was looking for a more stable living situation than my cousin’s basement.  I was scrolling through ads for a couple weeks – not in a mandatory rush but also not trying to outstay my welcome.  The first place I actively went to see and had an interest in was a 7 bedroom house that currently was the home to 6 guys. I’m not sure what attracted me most – The cheap rent? The chance to make new friends? The hesitation from my entire family? Or maybe the conversation starter of – Hi, I’m Jordan and I live with 6 guys.  Ha. Whatever it was – I wanted to live there before I even saw it.

And then I saw it.

It was exactly what you would imagine a house full of guys would look like.  And I decided that I wanted to live there.

Accompanied by my two of my cousins and hung over from a wedding the night before – my judgment could have been off.  It’s happened before.

But, besides moving to Denver – moving into that house, now lovingly referred to as The Rape House, might have been one of the better decisions I have ever made.   I’ve been there for about 7 months and have had more fun and flat out weird experiences than in college.

backyardbackyard2

When we had to replace one of our roommates – I jumped at the chance to create a Craigslist ad to portray exactly what we were looking for in a roommate and what they should expect from living with us.

A summary of the awesome ad that exceeded 150 inquiries in 24 hours:

  • If you’re having a bad day – there will always be somebody to drink with.  Always.  Unless you like drinking by yourself.  Then, in that case, you shouldn’t be living with 6 other people.
  • If you have hot friends and are good at trivia – that’s a plus.
  • We keep a keg in our backyard majority of the time for those impromptu backyard parties.
  • No douchebags.  Seriously.
  • If you don’t knock – you might walk in on one of your roommates masturbating to porn.  (Ok – I didn’t put that in the ad because I thought it would be either discouraging, or worse, encouraging.  But it happens. Hi Sean!)

I also encouraged applicants to respond with what type of animal they would be and why – just to get a sense of their character.  These are the highlights of the responses.

KEN’S RESPONSE:

ken

Hey, Ken – thanks, but no thanks.

GABRIELLE’S RESPONSE:

Does this animal have to be a real animal?

I’ll just give one example of a real animal and one of a mythological animal.

For a real animal I’d like to be an Eagle. I would have very few if any natural predators, and I would still be able to eat meat. I am a true carnivore at heart. I could also fly to just about anywhere I want. While high up in the air I can look down on all the Power and technology of the human race as if they were miniscule ant colonies. I could “surf” the winds and be as free as anyone could be. Oh, and locking talons while freefalling with my eventual mate for hundreds of feet before letting go at the last possible second sounds like it’d be a real adrenaline rush.

For a fake animal I would like to be a Krakken. As A Krakken I would also, in theory, have no natural predators. I could also eat a great white shark! I would hum the theme to Jaws while I hunt them down. Also being the largest thing in the Sea, again in theory, I could explore the truly last frontier for man on this planet. The bottom of the Mariannas Trench for example, Explore the Bermuda Triangle maybe sinking and hiding one or two ships for fun. Being a giant octopus, I could also force my body to fit in underwater caves and explore what life might be there, or even find an entrance to a whole other ecosystem thousands of feet below the surface.

Now – this may have warranted a response if she didn’t say that her favorite beer was ‘Flat Tire.’ Sorry… No, not sorry.

BROOKS’ RESPONSE:

I’d probably be a cat so I could sit on my ass all day.

Lazy… I like it.  But what asshole would actually want to be a cat.  I’d much rather collect them.

ROBERT’S RESPONSE:

I am the trivia master… just saying… speaking of which, do you know that the jet fuel used to send astronauts to the moon?

It was made of 75% alcohol and water. This is basically the recipe for Bacardi 151. We put astronauts in space, with bacardi….

I would be a duckbill platypus, cause it’s a fucking duckbill platypus…..It’s a mammal, so it’s smart, it’s venomous, it’s mean, it lays eggs has a beaver tail and a duck nose… and it’s babies are disgustingly adorable…. you don’t fuck with the duckbill platypus…

He couldn’t move in until August so he didn’t make the cut but – I emailed him back saying that we should hangout whenever he gets to Denver.

JEREMY’S RESPONSE:

Let me sum this one up for you – Two 20 year old kids, a guy and his girlfriend, looking to escape their lives in Georgia and start over in a new place together with barely enough money for 2 months of rent between the both of them.

No.

MICHELLE’S RESPONSE:

I am a very easy going Christian Girl that love going to Church and attend services.  I will be having my own car get delivered to the house before my coming so i will send your contact to my dad for him to email you later and he will be the one responsible for my bills so you are to get back to me with your Full Name and your Home Address and your phone number as well for the payment to be made as soon as possible for you to be able to hold the room for me till I move in completely.

Um, hi. Did you even read the ad?

RICHARD’S RESPONSE:

My favorite animal is a unicorn and that’s the animal I’d be because they can fly if their wings aren’t injured from an epic unicorn battles over female unicorns.

We picked this guy.  Not only was his response exactly what I was looking for – but he is also on probation for spray painting Blink 182 on the side of a building. There was no competition.

Welcome home, Richard!

house.

I hope these entertained you as much as they entertained me.  If not – you should have stopped reading 5 minutes ago.

Here’s to new friends and new memories,

J

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