fuck bitches, get money.

I apologize for the explicit title but, I feel that it is appropriate to the latest situation that I’ve found myself in and a suitable way to describe how most of us live in our 20’s.

Guys might decide to take this at the literal meaning of ‘fucking bitches’ but for me – and most other girls I know – it directly means to cut out the people in your life who either do not want to be there or do not deserve to be there.

Until this past weekend – I have never had someone come straight out and tell me to my face how much they dislike me.  It’s kind of crazy, humbling and exhilarating at the same time.

I have never pretended to be anyone that I’m not.  I don’t attempt to hide my crazy or change myself to please others. And even I don’t like myself all of the time – I know that I can be obnoxious and loud, unnecessarily honest and overbearing, stubborn and opinionated.

But for someone to blatantly say, “Let me tell you all the reasons why I can’t fucking stand you,” makes you get a little defensive.

I am not so delusional to think that everyone has to like me.  I actually agreed with most things that this girl had to say about me.  I know who I am to the extent of my personal opinion and how I feel about myself and others.

But, there are two things that I know I am not.  Conceited and dumb.

An ex-boyfriend used to tell me I was conceited and honestly, I had never been so insulted.  I might be confident and talk a big game.  But I know who I am and where I came from and conceited would never be a word that I would use to describe myself. Hence EX-boyfriend.

I talk about myself a lot.  Clearly – I write a whole blog dedicated to…. me.  But that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about or listen to other people.  I base my life off of observing others and taking it all in – so to say that I don’t listen or pay attention to other people is absurd.  I may be talking over everyone and always trying to get my opinion in – but that doesn’t mean that at the same time I’m not paying attention to what’s going on around me.

So when this girl also said, ‘I think you’re so dumb’ – of course I had to stand up for myself and automatically replied “I’m probably the smartest girl you’ve ever met!” HA. Okay, okay.  I’ll be the first to admit that that statement was a little over the top, even for me but, come on.  I may do dumb things once in a while, I may play dumb, I may not know everything about everything but I am nowhere near dumb.  To be called dumb was probably the only offensive that she said in her 20 minute ‘I hate Jordan’ tantrum.  It’s just kind of rude when you know so little about me.

Furthermore, why would anyone want to grow up? I pride myself in being youthful, outgoing and sometimes impulsive.  So when she so obviously thought she was insulting me by saying “We are in two different stages of our life, maybe you’ll grow up some day.” I answered with, “Don’t count on it.”  I can see that by being a mere 11 months older than me you are so much wiser, smarter and more mature than I am.  Clearly you’ve also learned to control your alcohol and respect others people’s opinions and lifestyles.  Good for you.  I’m so proud of you for finally saying how you really felt to my face.  I’m glad it took you being wasted to have the balls to tell me how you feel about me.

I will grow up some day. I will make more mistakes. I will learn a lot. I will be loved, heartbroken and forgotten.  I will make new friends and visit old friends.  I will change my mind and change other people’s.

I might have respected her opinion more if she didn’t keep apologizing and saying “I’m sorry but, I hate you.”  One thing I have learned in my 23 years is that you should never apologize about how you feel.  I’m not saying to be mean or bitter or snide to others.  But if you feel strongly about someone or something, tell them.  But don’t be cowardly and tell them after there is alcohol involved, or while others are around who aren’t involved, and never say things that you purposely are only saying with the intent to hurt someone else.  Then you’ll be the one who looks dumb.

If you felt the need to tell me how much you ‘kept trying to be friends with me’ and how much you have to psych yourself up / convince yourself / prepare yourself to be around me.  THEN DON’T.

Why would I want to waste my time and energy actively being a friend to someone who doesn’t even like me?  I would rather tell my jokes to someone who laughs and share experiences with people who care about me and choose to be around me without making it seem like such a chore.  So please don’t go out of your way to be my friend.  I’m good.

My family is what formed me and knows me better than I know myself.  I know how blessed I am to have so many people who support me, encourage me, and actually love me for who I am.  It’s amazing how people rally.  I’ve learned never to take advantage of situations or people and to be both gracious and humble.

We are all just trying to survive in this limbo of an age – why bring people down? Why go out of your way in an attempt to make someone seem inferior to you when we are all going through the same things and just trying to figure out who we are and where we fit in.  Most of us are broke, confused, and just want to be understood.  We are all essentially faking it til we make it.  And hey – I might be doing it for a while.  I have no money, live with 6 other people, probably drink too much and still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.  But, I am happy.  As cliché as it sounds – life really is too short to be around people who bring you down.

So, fuck bitches… and hopefully, fingers crossed, get money. 

J

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