the WORST.

I am the queen of exaggerating things.  And not on purpose – I just like to make things sound better or worse than they actually were/are.  Some people notice it when I’m all like – oh my god I LOVE that park it’s so cool and I go there to play frisbee and hang out with all my  friends and do cool things and… I’ve only actually been there once for like… 15 minutes… and I threw the frisbee twice and I was with my brother.  Most of the time I catch myself getting excited and admit that I totally embellished everything that I just said.

Kind of like when you start a story that you think is going to sound really great and interesting and then you realize you’re losing your listeners interest and you have to finish it with – ‘and then a shark came and bit the guys leg off! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!?’ And everyone gets confused because you were just talking about how you burned your pinky finger baking cookies.  But hey – it COULD have happened.

Back on track – there are so many times when I’m like – “OH MY GOD – THAT’S THE WORST!” Really though, is it? Is it the WORST? Are there things that are worse? Ya. Probably.  But it’s the way that it’s said, the impression that it makes, the whole ridiculousness of it.

I noticed this past Memorial Day Weekend that it may be both a family and a generational thing.  My cousin kept saying that “This family is THE WORST.” But in reality – he was just pissed that everyone was making fun of his wasted ass.

the worst

If any of you have had the pleasure to meet any member of my family – consider yourself lucky.  I know that people always say they have the BEST family and all that.  But seriously, I have THE BEST family.  No exaggeration here.  I get both really excited and nervous when I get to introduce new people to my family because I know that there is nothing like them and I also know that everyone always ends up liking them more than me.

What makes them the best? Sure we all fight, get mad, say things we don’t mean but – we always have each other’s backs. No matter what.   I actually feel bad for people who get in the way of or ever confront a member of my family because it’s dynamic.  It’s like a force that no one can stop; There is no escaping us.  And as if that’s not enough, we travel in packs.  Where there is one, there is almost always another.  Imagine me x 15 + extra crazy.

the worst - family1 (1)

My family is understanding, forgiving, accepting, extra loud and most importantly – out of the goddamn minds.  Every. Single. One of them.

So are they the worst? Hell no. Being in your 20’s is scary and confusing and fun and lonely and terrifying and unclear and awesome all at the same time.  I’ve learned that the best way to get through things is with a support system.  Any kind of support system – for me it’s my family and all of my cousins.  I could do the most outrageous things (and I have) and they would still defend me and support me.  If you don’t have a bomb ass family or support system – you can borrow mine.  But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Things that really are the worst…

…being hung over

THE. WORST. I know I just turned 23 but I’m not as young and sprightly as I used to be in my ripe young age.  Hang overs are all consuming.  You want to eat but you can’t eat.  You want to sleep but closing your eyes makes you nauseous.  You want your mom to stop giving you the ‘you drank too much last night’ look.   Your brain just can’t function like a normal human being.

I cannot do ANYTHING except for sleep and complain when I’m hung over.  Luckily this weekend I was at the beach and was somehow physically able to walk the half a block to the sand and pass out.  But I was not capable of changing into a bathing suit so I now have a very sweet shorts tan to start the bikini season off right.

…waking up late

Nothing makes me more anxious than waking up late.  Now – I am not always on time for things unless it’s important.  Work is something you should always be on time for. No matter what.

the worst - late for work1

What’s even worse is THINKING that I’m waking up late.  Last week was a prime example.  Mondays are saved for being hung over, tired, and getting very little work done.  So when I got home at 3PM – I’m already searching for my pillow.  I flipped on Netflix and dive bombed into the comfort of my bed.  Usually I humor myself by setting an alarm for… let’s say… going to boot camp – even though I know that if I’m going to take a nap, chances are I’m not going to boot camp and that alarm will just be turned off the millisecond it starts.  It never had a chance.

But it was the afternoon – I was so sure that I’d wake up sometime in the evening and be able to set my alarm for work. So, when I woke up from my nap and the clock said 6:50 – I swear, my heart stopped.  I have to be at my desk, with my boss’s coffee by no later than 6:30 every morning.  How did I sleep for… 16 hours – was I really that tired?! I threw on a dress that I found on my floor and was scrolling through my phone trying to call the girl I work with to tell her to run down to Starbucks and that I’d be there in 10 minutes.

I never thought I could move this quickly but that feeling of anxiety has a way of bringing the dead in me back to life.  Forget showering.  Forget make-up.  Forget trying to fix your bed head.  Forget it all.  Only to realize 20 seconds later that it’s 6:50PM and I felt like a complete idiot – and the girl I work with thinks I’m a complete idiot – Good God.  I wish I could replay it for you all to watch what a fool I was – so disoriented and disheveled – did I really think I was going to go to work with a silk dress and flip flops on? I’m the worst.

…when someone tries to talk to you when you have head phones in or are reading a book.

Seriously – get the hint guys.  No I can’t listen or talk to you when I am deep into a fantasy world.  It’s impossible. Leave me alone.

…when you can’t find things

This happens to me all the time.  I just had something in my hand and POOF it’s like a little fairy just came by and stole it and it disappeared into the great beyond.  OK. I know that I just set it down somewhere and can’t remember where – but, isn’t it always better to blame things on something else? I think so.

Situations you should be happy you’re not in.

Have the literally BEST weekend of your totally awesome life,

J

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7 thoughts on “the WORST.

  1. I can’t stop laughing! We are pretty awesome – that’s why we adopt people in to our family…Cody, Tom, Martha, Lisa and I’m sure there will be more next week.

    1. Lisa as in Lisa Berry? FUCK YEA MAN! What other mother fucker is there that can get away with swearing and making it look endearing? I think its my fucked up tooth. Whatever it is – your family is awesome…all of you are awesome and I love all of you!!!!!!

  2. I love being part of your family and I LOVE that you came to Colorado to be with the real crazies but I’m a little (OK a LOT ) nervous that you are this good writer and you have a BLOG. What the hell? And yes, we keep picking up new members along the way–so put on your crazy hat and join the fun.

  3. I loved that you picked up this straggler….. who else would do a Thriller dance at weddings…or the Mexican get the FUCK across the boarder dance with Ben? Hahaha! You are all amazing and love every single one of you!

  4. Never thought I’d be so stoked to be adopted before moving out to CO. I try to repay this crazy, accepting, entertaining, and always loving family with birthday cakes to thank them for welcoming me into their family. Jordan you’re due, Cuz.

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